NVC
From iA wiki
Contents |
nonviolent communication / compassionate anarchism is . . . ?
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is sometimes referred to as compassionate communication. It�s purpose is to strengthen our ability to inspire compassion from others and to respond compassionately to others and to ourselves. NVC guides us to reframe how we express ourselves and hear others by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting.
Nonviolent communication skills
As the name implies, this approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. These techniques allow you to make conscious choices about how you will respond whether you get what you want, or not. It is definitely NOT about guilt and tricking people into giving you what you want.
The process of NVC encourages us to focus on what we and others are observing, how and why we are each feeling as we do, what our underlying needs are, and what each of us would like to have happen. These skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to others.
Nonviolent Communication assists you in dealing with major blocks to communication such as demands, diagnoses and blaming. You learn to express your feelings without attacking. This will help minimize the likelihood of facing defensive reactions in others. The skills help you make clear requests. They help you receive critical and hostile messages without taking them personally, giving in, or losing self-esteem. These skills are useful with your family, friends, students, subordinates, supervisors, co-workers and clients. These skills are even useful with your own internal dialogues.
LIST OF UNIVERSAL NEEDS
CONNECTION
acceptance affection appreciation belonging cooperation communication closeness community companionship compassion consideration consistency empathy inclusion intimacy love mutuality nurturing respect/self-respect safety security stability support to know and be known to see and be seen to understand and be understood trust warmth
HONESTY
authenticity integrity presence
PLAY
joy humor
PEACE
beauty communion ease equality harmony inspiration order
PHYSICAL WELL-BEING
air food movement/exercise rest/sleep sexual expression safety shelter touch water
MEANING
awareness celebration of life challenge clarity competence consciousness contribution creativity discovery efficacy effectiveness growth hope learning mourning participation purpose self-expression stimulation to matter understanding
AUTONOMY
choice freedom independence space spontaneity
FEELINGS WHEN NEEDS ARE SATISFIED
AFFECTIONATE
compassionate friendly loving open hearted sympathetic tender warm
CONFIDENT
empowered open proud safe secure
ENGAGED
absorbed alert curious engrossed enchanted entranced fascinated interested intrigued involved spellbound stimulated
INSPIRED
amazed awed wonder
EXCITED
amazed animated ardent aroused astonished dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant
EXHILARATED
blissful ecstatic elated enthralled exuberant radiant rapturous thrilled
GRATEFUL
appreciative moved thankful touched
HOPEFUL
expectant encouraged optimistic
JOYFUL
amused delighted glad happy jubilant pleased tickled
PEACEFUL
calm clear headed comfortable centered content equanimous fulfilled mellow quiet relaxed relieved satisfied serene still tranquil trusting
REFRESHED
enlivened rejuvenated renewed rested restored revived
FEELINGS WHEN NEEDS ARE NOT SATISFIED
AFRAID
apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried
ANNOYED
aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated irked
ANGRY
enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful
AVERSION
animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified hostile repulsed
CONFUSED
ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn
DISCONNECTED
alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed uninterested withdrawn
DISQUIET
agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed perturbed rattled restless shocked startled surprised troubled turbulent turmoil uncomfortable uneasy unnerved unsettled upset
EMBARRASSED
ashamed chagrined flustered guilty mortified self-conscious
FATIGUE
beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out
PAIN
agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regretful remorseful
SAD
depressed dejected despair despondent disappointed discouraged disheartened forlorn gloomy heavy hearted hopeless melancholy unhappy wretched
TENSE
anxious cranky distressed distraught edgy fidgety frazzled irritable jittery nervous overwhelmed restless stressed out
VULNERABLE
fragile guarded helpless insecure leery reserved sensitive shaky
YEARNING
envious jealous longing nostalgic pining wistful
These lists of needs & feelings are neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.
Domination systems require:
1. Suppression of self
2. Moralistic judgments
3. Amtssprache (This expression was used by Nazi officials to describe a bureaucratic language that denies choice, with words like: �should,� �have to,� �ought.�)
4. The crucial concept of deserve
_________________________________________________________
Important NVC web-sites:
and
